Who am i in God?
Maybe there's a time when people dont ahve to fully understand what they are going thourhg with God. I've been upset to a postion where i havent wanted to talk to him, and yet i know he's there waiting for me to come back to him. Today it finally occured to me that nothin was ever going to become somewhat "all right" if i let myself go on ignoring God's precense or anything he was trying to do in my life. It's one of those days where you feel as though nothing could go right, and so finally you go "alright God im listening, Im sorry i've pushed you away, but i need you to help me get through this"... that was today for me.
This year for me has so far been really hard. My best friend is gone, although i do get to see her, and im not enjoying the way school has gone so far, but theres really things beyond that. I've tried to live up to peoples standards, what they want me to be like, who they want me to be like, and you know what? its not working for me. I cant go on pretending to be someone i'm not, its not fair to me and its not fair to my relationsihp with God and everyone else around me. I dont want to be the most popular kid in life, i dont want to be inpersonal with people, i dont want to have to go out every night so it looks like a teenagers life. I just want to be myself. i want to be a person who loves havin in depth conversation with people on how theyre doing, whos inlove with god, i want to be like Jesus, thats would i want to be like.. I just want to follow God and be who he wants me to be, and try to follow what he wants to me to do. Theres more to life then "fitting in" and ive had to learn that this past year or two.
Ive never actually put on a "mask" as people say, but ive l;ived up to what people expect of me, and its just tiring tryin to do that all the time. I just want to live for God and his longings for my life.
This year for me has so far been really hard. My best friend is gone, although i do get to see her, and im not enjoying the way school has gone so far, but theres really things beyond that. I've tried to live up to peoples standards, what they want me to be like, who they want me to be like, and you know what? its not working for me. I cant go on pretending to be someone i'm not, its not fair to me and its not fair to my relationsihp with God and everyone else around me. I dont want to be the most popular kid in life, i dont want to be inpersonal with people, i dont want to have to go out every night so it looks like a teenagers life. I just want to be myself. i want to be a person who loves havin in depth conversation with people on how theyre doing, whos inlove with god, i want to be like Jesus, thats would i want to be like.. I just want to follow God and be who he wants me to be, and try to follow what he wants to me to do. Theres more to life then "fitting in" and ive had to learn that this past year or two.
I just want to find out who I am in God.
I believe it was mark who said in his blog that people are constantly putting on masks trying to please other people. Why be one person with someone and another way with another person... If God is watching all the time, and sees who we are when were at home, or with one friend, or at school, then shouldnt we try to be the same all time? Why try to be something were not? God made us who we are, and he loves us for who we are.
Ive never actually put on a "mask" as people say, but ive l;ived up to what people expect of me, and its just tiring tryin to do that all the time. I just want to live for God and his longings for my life.
posted by Dani at 9:45 PM
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