a Step forward....
I've made a new blog... this one was overdue, i think at least...
http://www.distraught-blush.blogspot.com

enjoy

my redemption

The warmth of your breathe,
allowed me to breathe a sigh of relief.
Falling on my knees
gave me hope again.
Being broken allowed me to find you.
Your voice beckoned me further,
away from my guilt
to my redemption.
My great and utmost fault
was erased away.
Made clean and white,
as snow on winter's first day.
Springs new arrival,
overflowed with blossoms,
making this new life complete-
once again

mend this broken heart

For now i think it is time to dwell,
dwell upon what was good, right and true.
Dwell upon everything i thought was forever,
but turned out to be for now.
My mind needs to understand,
understand everything you promised,
was wrong- a lie,
no that would be too harsh.
Your bitter sweet words,
that once lit my world,
crushed every hope and desire i had for us.
Everytime I think upon everything i thought was good,
all i do is cry-
and wish that everything had stayed the way it was,
before my first heart break.
Dwelling hasn't become easier,
now its the bitter sweet feelng
of either hope or understanding.
Hope- something each morning promises me.
Understanding- allows me to utter sweet words in your direction.
Will this broken heart ever heal?
Will this broken heart feel as it once did?
Can I ever truly dwell on what i thought was pure,
good and wonderful?
Only time,
time that will give me distance and everything i hope for.

Please don't let this turn into something it's not I can only give you everything I've got I can't be as sorry as you think I should But I still love you more than anyone else could All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong The last girl in the last reason to make this last for as long as I could First kiss in your first time that I felt connected to anything The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned The final word in the final seconds you ever learned to me was love We have got through so much worse than this before What's so different this time that you can't ignore You say it is much more than just my last mistake And we should spend some time apart for both our sakes The last girl in the last reason to make this last for as long as I could First kiss in your first time that I felt connected to anything The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned The final word in the final seconds you ever learned to me was love The last girl in the last reason to make this last for as long as I could First kiss in your first time that I felt connected to anything The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned The final word in the final seconds you ever learned to me was love And I don't know where to look My words just break and melt Please just save me from this darkness

chocolate

This could be very minute
im aware im alive
all these places feel like home
Werent for me
With a Name I had never chosen,
I can make my first steps
as a child of 25

This is the straw,
Final straw in there.
Roof of my mouth
as I run to you.
Just because im sorry doesnt mean
I didnt enjoy it at the time.

You're the only thing that I love,
Scares me more every day
On my knees
I think clearer.
Goodness knows I saw it coming
or at least I claim I did
but in truth Im lost for words

What have I done?
Its too late for that.
What have I become?
Truth is nothing yet.
A simple mistake starts the hardest time.
I promise I'll do anything you ask... this time

My brokenness

Each new breath hurt,
more than the last.
Every fond thought that I had entertained,
drifted deeper into my mind to be forgotten.
My heart, once full of so much love,
shattered at my feet.
Everything I had once cherished
fell short.
When did we let things slip,
deeper and farther from sight?
What made you run,
from me, us and all that was dear?
There's only one thing i know,
that I'm hurt.
My broken heart no longer has anything to lose.

My flesh peeled away,
leaving what was left of me to be examined.
Piece by pice, surgeons dicovered things i wanted hidden,
pieces of me i wanted left behind.
lies that had shaattered my life,
brokenness that had despaired many,
and hope that could hopefully one day return me back to livable conditions.
Beneath all the misery and disbelief, i somehow found myself.
Layer by layer, and piece by piece
tjhe surgeons restored all that had peeled away.
My once restless and unfinished life began,
releasing me into a new chapter.